Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What in heaven was Moses thinking?!

On arrival at Mount Sinai....

Moses: Oh Christ. I can't believe I've got to climb that damn thing. What on earth was I thinking bringing all these nomads all the way to Arabia? Oh lord.....here goes. huff puff huff puff...pant pant....huff puff....pant pant.......phew!

As he climbs Mount Sinai, Moses sings a few tunes including his favourite......

We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a Whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does
We're off to see the wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!

Moses: Oh my god, what a bugger that was! Phew! It's a good job I kept up the gym visits. Ok, what have we here then? Cough! Splutter! 

'Um....hello? Hello?! Anybody in there? Yoo-hoo! God? Are you there?'

Good lord it's hot! Phew! What is that stuff? Molten metal? The glory of that thing is blinding! I've never seen such a devouring fire. Even that laser pen I use to bring down eagles is no match for this unapproachable light.

'Are you there then? Oh come on. Do you have any idea how long it's taken to get to you? If you're not there then who put out that ensign to lead us here? That massive pillar of smoke and pillar of fire? And all that hissing. My god, do you know how annoying that has been for us all day and all night? Hiss, hiss, hiss. I've not had a wink's sleep in days!'

Time passes while Moses flicks bits of pumice stone into the devouring fire and draws heart shaped tattoos on his arms using fallen ash.....

Moses: Ok, right, well, that's a bugger isn't it? I knocked but there's nobody home. What a brain dump. And look at all those daft brushes down there. What am I going to say to them? We came all this way for nothing? I'm a dead man walking! Am I crazy? Ok, where are those tablets. Now then.....ha ha....I always wanted to make up my own rules. Perfect. I can sneak in a rule that ensures jobs for the boys. Lovely!

More time passes......Moses finally descends the mountain of god.....

Ok...here goes....come on, come on....you can do it! Work it, work it, wooooork it!!!

'Moses! Moses! What's happened to your face? It's all shiny! It's all red, glowing and shiny! What happened? Did you come face to face with our fiery god?'

The whole camp gawped at Moses's face as it shon so he quickly grabbed his pashmina and with one big swish of the wrist was wrapped up like a Saudi princess and his blushing face could be seen no more.

Footnote: story simplified for entertainment value and to help the penny drop.
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1 comment:

  1. Nowhere in the bible can be found a list of 10 Commandments. There are more than 10 and they are not presented in point form. One notably left out of the 10 churchy ones, is the command to not follow a mob intent on harm. That would have put a bit of a damper on the crusades, witch burning, and the medieval "hue and cry" laws etc.