NOTE TO GOD

NOTE TO GOD.

Dear God,

I know you are wrathful because you are spewing out smoke from your nostrils and pouring out volcanic lava down your mountain like rivers of fire. It is coming from before you in every direction, so you must be very very mad. We're not sure what we have done wrong so we shall get very paranoid wracking our brains to try to work it out. You sure do spot absolutely everything bad we do don't you? Nothing escapes your notice.

We have killed lots of animals in a very precise way, as we are sure you have seen, but you are still angry. You have shot out fire and brimstone at us, which hurt a lot. What did we do to upset you? We must make our rules more strict and enforce them with an iron fist in order to appease you. We must even go to the lengths of stoning young women who dare kiss their boyfriends. You seem so easy to upset that we feel every single indiscetion must be stamped, or stoned, out. Rest assured, we are doing everything we can to ensure your complete satisfaction.

We were wondering when it might be possible to finally meet you. We know you are in residence by the fire and smoke on the top of the mountain and the rivers of lava fire pouring down the mountain. Why can you not just stick your head out to say hello? You remind us of the wizard in The Wizard of Oz. Can't you metaphorically peep from around the curtain? We just want to say hello to our god. It is a mystery.

I know you were the god that brought us out of Egypt because all the signs are the same....darkness, smoke, clouds, hail (not normal hail but volcano hail), lightning, loud noises, etc. We were told what you looked like when you resided inside Santorini. Gosh....what a show you put on! You sure are the god of gods. Never in our lives have we heard of such an awesome god. You gave us the opportunity to get out of Egypt with lots of gold and treasure so we are eternally grateful to you. We saw your ensign as we travelled: your column of smoke during the day and the column of fire at night. We were so excited to see it as it matched what we had heard about your Santorini show. Wow! The amazing god that destroyed the Egyptians had gone ahead of us to lead us to him! We feel honoured, special even. Yes! We are so special and so grateful to you, our Lord, for choosing us. We shall never ever forget how you helped us steal all that gold and leggit into the desert.